Project Em

This journey has been, so far, a difficult and strange road, but I have learned a lot about myself this past year.  I better understand my limits, my strengths, my weaknesses and how they all play into my journey through grief.  In the beginning, losing Emilie crippled me in a way that is too hard to express.  I found myself not able to simply function, think or do any “normal” things.  Though I can see that I have gained some of that functionality back, there are definitely a lot of things I still struggle with.  I still have a hard time concentrating.  I used to read all the time, but I can’t seem to keep focused long enough to get through more than a page or two of a book.  I have also struggled with tapping back into my creative side again.  In the beginning, the desire to create, sew, paint and take photos again was gone completely.  But as I have expressed in previous posts, I have slowly tried to get myself back into the things that I used to love.

So, I decided that I am going to set some goals to help tap back into my creative juices again.  I am calling it Project Em.  Emilie was so free with her art and creativity and I have learned so much about using expression as a healing tool.  I need to channel that energy and emotion somewhere where it can be expressed and let it all out.  So, here is where I am starting for now…

-Every morning I am going to write for 15-20 minutes about whatever I want.  Without thinking about how it sounds, if it is correct grammar or if it even makes sense.  It is a chance to just let it all out.  I have been doing it for the last two mornings and have loved it.  In fact, I find myself wanting to write longer than my designated time and to just keep going.  Apparently I have a lot to get out.

-A picture a day.  All day I find myself looking at the world around me and trying to figure out how I would take a picture to capture it.   I see my surroundings in terms of photo compositions.  I have learned that I feel such simple peace within myself when I can loose myself in the art of photography.  The problem is, I don’t get my camera out.  I get busy and miss opportunities to capture the images I am seeing.  So my new goal this year is to take at least one picture a day.  I love looking back on our family’s pictures, not only because of what they mean to me seeing Emilie and the memories we all had with her, but because it becomes part of our family’s history.  It is our story.  So I want to take these pictures and at the end of the week, I want to post one picture from each day that week.  Now by writing that, I have to actually do it.  I need to force myself to follow through with my little project and make sure I give this challenge (and gift) to myself.  I am sure the project will change and adapt over time, but that is what makes it unique and interesting for me I guess.

So, here are my first pictures to start out Project Em…

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